Chicken Noodle Soup

Posted 12/06/2022 By:

Austin Lemieux

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Whole Chicken
Russet Potatoes
Yellow Onions
Wide Egg Noodles
Chicken Granules
Kosher Salt
Black Pepper
Dried Thyme


Alright folks, so this recipe is fucking tedious but easy, know what I mean? It's got all the things you need when you're sick, carbs, hydration, vitamins and protein. I guess you could probably use it after a bender or an orgy too to great affect. If you're ready for that home comfort you never got as a kid read on for how to make it.


First things first, get a big ass pot and put your whole chicken in there. Cover with water and get it saltier than your dad's jock strap. Get it boiling and cook until the chicken is cooked through.
While that's boiling get your potatoes washed and cubed, your carrots peeled and sliced, your onion peeled and sliced, your celery washed, trimmed, and slide, and your garlic diced. You're gonna be cutting so many vegetables that your late night masturbation sessions will probably pay off for you today.
Once your chicken is cooked through, pull it out of the water like you're pulling out a tampon and get it sitting in a strainer. Make sure you keep your water, it's got flavor now bitch. Toss your vegetables in and if you smoke now's a good time to go burn one you, lest the chicken burn you you fucking idiot. Once you come back in go ahead and start shredding the meat off the bones and tossing in the pot with your vegetables. You want to be a fucking savage while you're doing it.
Now that all your meat and vegetables are in the pot, going ahead and get that heating up to a boil again. While you're at it sprinkle it with seasoning like you're sprinkling coke on your dick for a hooker to snort. I'm talking the salt, black pepper, dried time , and the chicken granules. Do it to taste, I'm not your fucking science teacher bitch.
Once your vegetables are close to done, aka carrots and potatoes can get a fork through them like that dead hooker in your trunk took the knife, go ahead and put in your noods. Let those soften up and serve into a bowl with a ladle, you're fucking done. If you did it right you should still have all your fingers and no burns, but I doubt you managed that anyways.