Basil Pesto Salmon

Posted 11/13/2022 By:

Austin Lemieux

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Salmon Filets
Olive Oil
Kosher Salt


This dish is pretty fucking simple, but probably not for you, you fucking twit. Basically mash a bunch of herbs together and spread it over the salmon filets like you might your man cream in a bukkake. That's why I say not for you, you probably have never had the pleasure of doing that. Follow the recipe to find out how dick neck.


First up, get your salmon out and powder it with salt and seasonings like you would your swamp ass. Heat up a non stick (or cast iron if you're a brave little fucker, it'll hold heat better) with a little bit of olive oil. If it splatters when you spit on it like the whore it is it's ready.
While the pan heats up go ahead and bust out your mortar and pestle. Give your garlic cloves and basil a rough chop and split the lemon down the middle like god split Eve. Start pounding the basil and garlic in the mortar and pestle 'til it's a nice crumbly texture, kind of like your morals. Then go ahead and squeeze your lemon and add a bit of kosher salt. Give it another quick grind, add your olive oil, a little more grind and the pesto is ready.
When the pan is ready and the pesto is set, go ahead and put your salmon skin down (ass up) in the pan. Slather it with the pesto like a stripper greasing the pole. Go ahead and cover it and let it cook. When the top starts turning a lighter pink go ahead and give it a flip. Cook on the other side for 5 mins or so just to get some color and flip it back to the skin. Keep covered and let finish cooking. You'll know it's ready when it flakes like your ex girlfriend. Serve by using a spatula to lift away the skin like Jeffrey Dahmer and top with fresh leftover pesto.